but I think I’m done waiting.
You’re no good for me, or to me, so maybe this has to stop. Again. You say you like me, want me, trust me, connect with me, you’re just scared. Scared of what?
You say you don’t want to hurt me or get me involved in the mess that is you, but don’t you get it? I’m asking for that. I want all your scars and skeletons, your monsters under the bed. I can take it. You’ve already hurt me, so why stop now?
You don’t really talk to me anymore, not like we used to. And we used to talk, a lot. We’re good at it (that and a couple of other things). I have never been more on par with someone as I am with you, and I know it’s the same with you too, it’s a little freaky actually. You told me that without you even realising, I had become that person you could turn to, trust. So why the hesitation?
But therein lies the problem. You say all these things, and do things that make me feel things like never before, and then run away. You’ve left me in a battle of head vs heart and I’m not sure if I can do it any longer.
I’m not happy with being someone who you come to when it strikes your fancy, even less so being second best, and you’ve made me feel like both recently. I need my thoughts in order, my emotions to make sense. I’m not good with confusion, too many thoughts rattle around my head and make me worry and self conscious and eventually, perhaps, resentful. I don’t want it to get to that.
I know you’re just as messy and confused as I am, just for a completely different reason, a reason which you refuse to tell me and it’s killing me. I like answers, I like knowing exactly what’s going on. And after everything between us, can’t you see that you can trust me? I’m good for you, can’t say that it’s the same in return, but we’re good together.
I wish I could just chalk this all up to the timing being wrong, and it kind of is, you’re leaving far too soon, but maybe it’s actually us.
I guess I have a decision to make, I hope it’s the right one.